I used to be able to watch just about any movie and not shed a tear. I wasn’t the emotional type. I kind of took pride in this because I hated vulnerability.
Well a few things changed that in the past few years….experiencing love, marriage, and having children. You know, those major life events that seem to break down all the wall barriers you have around your heart. I can’t seem to watch a movie without finding some element to get weepy about. Simple moments in my day turn into emotional ones. Sometimes I wish I could turn off the vulnerability I feel….that so much of my heart is held by my husband and children. That my happiness rests in theirs.
We are about to have another season change…a new life will enter our little world, and everyone’s place will shift and maybe even tilt for a while. Its leaving me feeling pretty vulnerable and emotional. As the mother, you feel everyone’s pains and joys in the most real way. So I am feeling what each person will go through when this little love arrives…
Gabe and I will seek to find a new daily rhythm, Gabriel will feel have to adjust and understand our attention diversion, and Veronica will no longer have her place as the baby. My heart aches a little when things change. Its letting go of something familiar that you love and are comfortable with and accepting and making room for something different. However, by experience, God has always proved to us that when you hand over and trust him with a big part of your lives, it always ends up being even better than your before.
I have shed a few tears letting go of the fact that my Veronica Rose is no longer a baby. That suddenly she is a spunky independent little miss ready to explore life. I can’t help but give into her pleas for more time for me to hold her or stay with her at night. I don’t want those minutes to slip away. Her little world may be confused for a time, but we know that a brother or sister will soon be much more fun than mama and daddy’s attention anyways. I already can’t wait for her and Gabriel to see that they get to keep this baby forever. (They are both crazy about new babies!)
I look at these last few weeks before due date as a chance to accept the change and vulnerability of these roller coaster emotions and make room for peace. That blissful peace that comes in waves after you give birth to a new life….if you let it in. I think we can prevent so many grand experiences when we hold onto fear and worry. There are too many what if’s and how will we’s to count…so I let them go. I choose peace. Its really the only way to receive. There is much to receive ahead and we anxiously await:)
