6 Years of Marriage + 6 Ways to keep the Flame Lit.

July 11, 2014

6 Ways to Keep the Flame Lit | IHOD

6 Ways to keep the Flame Lit | In Honor of Design

When you first starting dating and enter your first year of marriage, there is a “fire” and excitement that is often called the Honeymoon Phase. I can honestly say that Anna and I, thanks be to God, have not lost this excitement after 6 years. It has changed and matured, as all things should overtime, and as such that fire has grown, not diminished. I think this is due to a commitment to seek the happiness of the other person before yourself. I believe that this is best made apparent to her through consistent and small ways throughout the week. So, here are six practical things I try to do to let Anna know I love her…

1. Give one honest random compliment daily.
This does not mean things such as “thank you for this great dinner” or “you are very beautiful.” Although these are very important, a compliment such as “I love how your hair curls in the summer” or “That top looks great on you” or even as silly as “Have I ever told you how cute your ears are?” Show her that you are being attentive and notice and appreciate subtle nuances about her.

2. Regularly set a good drink in front of her. (wink wink)
This could be a cocktail she really likes, or in Anna’s case a fresh cup of coffee or homemade glass of fresh lemonade. (Or as of late, a homemade microwave s’more works well also.) The key is that the drink is something that you put effort into just for her enjoyment. 

3. Clean the kitchen and high traffic areas, especially if she is out of the house.
I have noticed that Anna truly appreciates this, especially on days where the kids where, lets say “overly energetic”. I want her to know that I appreciate her efforts and that I am her support and partner in the challenges of life.

4. If you have children, or if she has had a long day, give her some quiet time to decompress.
Take the kids to the park, or take the dog on a walk when you get home from work so she has some quite time, even if you have had a hard day. An act of loving self sacrifice rarely returns void. This would also be a great time to provide that drink mentioned above.

5. Frame your words carefully when in a discussion.
Few things can cut deeper, than ill placed reactionary words. We try to avoid criticizing each other and using words like “always” and “never” because they can make the other feel less of themselves and immediately bring out defenses. The habit of discussion over accusation ensures the other person you still care deeply for them and want to talk through an issue.

6. Just grab her and dance, just for a moment.
Whether there is music or not, it tells her that she is desired and still pursued. Or course, a little pinch on the rear never hurts either.

– Gabe

*Also, Dating through your Marriage and One habit we commit to.

Leave a Comment

  • leave are some great tips!!! i will do the compliment one, starting today!!

    Sandy a la Mode

  • Such a sweet guest post. 🙂 Happy Anniversary, you guys!!

  • Loris Ayoub

    great post…happy anniversary.
    Maybe I will be sending you my husband’s email address… you can hint how to be an amazing husband

  • Anna, It was so nice to meet you at Whiskey Blue last night. One of my favorite things about your blog is how perfectly you represent Christ with your sight. I think as Christians our biggest failure is doing things half heartedly and being recognized for how “cheesy” we are rather than how excellently we do things for the glory of our great God! You are such a great example for me as a newer blogger and I thank you for exemplifying a commitment to Christ, your husband, your children, and your business.
    Happy Anniversary!


  • well, this is the cutest thing ever. i’m a new reader, so it’s funny how the first post i’m reading is written by your husband! noting the “Frame your words carefully when in a discussion” tip — sound advice, and something i need to abide by more often — and loving the pinch on the rear, haha! xx

  • this is lovely! <3 congratulations!
    ladies in navy

  • Rachel McClintock

    Thanks so much for posting this, Gabe! It’s so nice to hear from the men once in awhile! 🙂 Thank you both for sharing your lives on here. You guys are such an inspiration in your things that you don’t share on here to what you do. No one is perfect but you guys let Christ shine through everything you do. Truly awesome. I hope we can meet one day because then this comment will be a little less creepy 😉

  • Beautiful. I honestly teared up. Xoxo

  • Beautiful list, I can’t wait to share these with my beau 😉

  • Love love love these 6 things!!! Great job Gabe! Fist bump on the cocktail one, that one is especially true and works for Mike and I!!! Happy 6 years! I can’t believe we are half way to 7 ourselves, time flies when your having fun!

  • Thanks so much for sharing these Gabe. These are the kinds of things I’ve been asking my husband for lately, things that would really fill my cup and help me be a better wife and mother for our family. He hasn’t really gotten it… But I think letting him read this, especially coming from a male perspective might be the perfect springboard for his willing heart. Thanks again.

  • I love these ideas! Especially the last one. I love random dances when we are cooking dinner. 🙂 Congrats to 6 years!

  • These are super cute!! I agree with all 6 and think it should be written in the husbands code of conduct (ha!) It’s nice seeing a list like this come from the hubs.


  • I loved this post Anna! Josh and I just celebrated 3 yrs on Wednesday 🙂 Congrats on 6!

  • this is the sweetest post. husbands are great!

  • Gaber you still got it. Great tip! I’m sending this list to my boo.

  • This is adorable! We just celebrated our 5 yr anniversary on the 10th and its so amazing to see love and marriage mature. you guys are so cute 🙂

  • Go Gabe!! These are awesome!!!

  • Great post Gabe! Such thoughtful ideas : )

  • well aren’t you one lucky lady. this is adorable. and so thoughtful.

  • Katie Keys

    Wonderful! Happy anniversary to you both! What a good example of love … to sacrifice for the other. Now, if somehow you could move to Beloit again… 😉 we’ll be there soon…hopefully forever!

  • I love these! Its easy to let things get a little stale, but if you’re willing to put in the work marriage is magical.

  • So cute and sweet! Happy anniversary and thanks for the tips! Your love is so evident not only in this post, but the photos too. Adorable!

  • the last line… perfect. xo happy anniversary!!

  • aww this is so sweet! happy anniversary. xo jillian – cornflake dreams 

  • That’s ace you two! I especially like the just dance one. We’ve just (loosely) set our wedding date, so it’s all good!

  • […] +Upcoming nuptials call for great wedding advice. […]

  • Love this post. Many blessings to your family!

  • I was going through my blog reading list and I had saved this blog awhile back. I was looking through your site and found this post. I’ve been married 28 years and I have to say that Gabe has hit the mark! What intuition he has! There will be trying times, but if you remember these 6 things, you will make it through. Beautiful to see young couples growing in wisdom!

  • […] posts we have written on marriage: Dating through your marriage, keeping the flame lit, and one habit we commit […]

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