Just over a year ago I took a pregnancy test. It confirmed what I already knew, and the tears streamed down my cheeks as I sat alone on the bathroom floor. You probably even remember when I wrote about it. This would be my 5th baby, and what I would soon find out is that I was already two months along. Little Rocco was only 7 months old. The tears that flowed were from waves of doubt, fear, and anxiety and I felt like I was about to drown in the unknown….
A short 6 months later, a tiny little flower arrived early, and instantly took root in 6 hearts. Azelie (meaning flower in Hebrew) would bring with her a happiness we never thought could exist within us. Never have I been so aware of my human weakness throughout the past year, but I also saw God’s strength carry me in a way I had never experienced. And now I hold Azelie on the other side of it all. After the storm, the light burst through, broke my heart wide open and it bleeds gratitude.
I wouldn’t be able to count the ways we love this little one. Gabe was thinking aloud the other day how Azelie has pulled him through some very difficult days this year. It has been the same for me. She brings so much peace to our home, and her gummy smile beams right through us. Yes, life with 5 little ones is probably what you would imagine it to be…..messy, noisy, and sometimes chaotic. I mean, I just got done with a double round of homework guiding while making dinner with a baby strapped to my chest. It is hard stuff. It is often thankless. It is usually exhausting. But I would still choose it every day for even a fraction of the joy and perspective that they have brought me.
I wanted to share this little update in case you are in the middle of something similar in any shape or form. Azelie is a reminder for me that even in the dark moments of our life where we feel alone, there is an opportunity for a greater story to unfold. There is always light waiting at the end of the tunnel, and if we make room for the unimaginable, there is often something we cannot even fathom waiting on the other side.
*First and last photo by Morgan Blake