(A hint that this story ends well..)
Part one here and part two here.
After the breakup
I came back from that trip feeling like I had a part of me ripped from my chest, and replaced with an anvil to sit on my lungs. If I gave a second’s thought to the fact I just said goodbye to Gabe, a pain would well up so strong that it would immediately take the form of tears streaming down my face. I know anyone who has experienced a heartbreak can grasp what it felt like. Words don’t ever seem to fairly describe it. In some ways, I felt like I was mourning the loss of the person I could never bear the thought of losing. Next to my family, Gabe had become deeply rooted into my heart and soul more than anyone else in my life. The only way to console the overwhelming dread I woke up to every morning when I realized I couldn’t see or talk to him anymore was that it was somehow for the better. Somehow, someway, I had to trust that this was the best thing for Gabe. That is all I wanted for him. To figure out who he was meant to be and find happiness in this life. I knew deep down that God had our best interest at the center of His heart, and that the answers would unfold one day. In the meantime, I had to find a way to move forward.
Moving on
I cried myself to sleep every day for a good month, and dreaded the mornings. I did everything I could to stay busy. I took 6 classes in one semester, went to all kinds of social activities, intramural sports, and even tried a few dates. The ache never went away, and if I was being honest with myself, my heart was closed to meeting anyone else. I made some incredible friends that year that helped pick up those broken pieces, and my sisters and best friends back in OH always made sure I was doing ok. Mind you, this was back before instagram, and facebook had just came out so there was no social media stalking to take advantage of! I mean, someone had set up a MySpace page for Gabe (L.O.L.O.L.), but he never updated it so the only way of finding out how he was doing was through the little pieces here and there I would hear from our mutual friends! It was maddening sometimes, but during these months apart I discovered how far I had come if I looked over my shoulder. I was forced to grow up in a sense, and face some of my immaturities.
Could it be?
On spring break in Florida with our old crew from Freshman and Sophomore year, my friend Molly gave me the heads up that Gabe was going on an 8 day silent retreat. As you may remember, he’s an all or nothing guy so if he is going to figure something out, he is going to take the bull by the horns. I knew there would be some things he would be confronting during that time, and I hoped very much that he would find the healing he needed. I didn’t hear anything else after that for about a month, until one day he called…
Before we broke up I had asked him to be my official date to my sister Maria’s wedding. She was marrying her long time friend from college, who also was a friend of Gabe’s. We had talked about how excited we were to see them get married. It was coming up in just a few months, and I was now planning on going solo. Well that phone call came, and of course! In true Anna fashion, I let it go to voicemail. I couldn’t compose myself enough to find words, and my heart had stopped beating all together, and I am pretty sure my brain went into dormant mode. I took deep breaths, tried to get my cool back, and then don’t worry, I called him back. We chatted small talk with ease like old friends while I continued to pinch myself to make sure I was awake. He filled me in on his retreat, and how he had come to find answers he wasn’t expecting. I could sense the peace in his voice. He then asked, “Well I was calling because I was wondering if it would be okay if I still came to Maria and Andrew’s wedding.” I didn’t allow myself to think this was anything yet, so I played it cool and reassured him that it was totally fine and that I would pick him up from the airport if he needed when he got in town. Despite my efforts not to get my hopes up, my heart soared. I didn’t know what was to come, but I had a feeling he wasn’t coming in town just to attend the wedding.
(Gabe’s graduation after we got back together.)
Reunion
Fast forward to the wedding weekend, all of our old friends and family were in town and I woke up the night before dress rehearsal day as sick as a dog. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had a stomach condition that reacts to any alcohol like poison. I was over the toilet every 15 min. and thought I was dying. The only thing I could think of was “Now I can’t pick up Gabe from the Marta. Someone needs to tell him.” By that afternoon I had finally stopped vomiting, and had slept off the worst of it. My family thought I would need to go to the hospital, but I made a turn around just in time. I had missed the dress rehearsal , but what I now know was sheer will power, I got on my feet and out of bed. I had to see Gabe. Maria drove me with her to the hotel where everyone was staying so we could see our out of town friends and family who were all hanging out together in the lobby. I stepped out of the car and suddenly got too dizzy to walk in. I sat on the curb and told Maria I was fine waiting for her there. I had surely lost 5 lbs that day, and was a pale and frail mess. So of course, that is when Gabe decided to walk out into the parking lot and make his way over. Lord have mercy.
As I sat there half mortified, half elated, Gabe sat down next to me, and put his arms around me. It was so good to see that face. He didn’t waste any time in saying he wanted to ask me in person if I would do him the honor of being his girl once again. I couldn’t believe it was happening. I couldn’t grasp that he was coming back into my life. He was always the only one for me, and that day we both knew that this day meant forever for us.
Nobody can break it down like my sisters!
We would get engaged over a year later right before Christmas time. (Another story for another day.) We got married almost exactly 6 months later. It was truly one of the best days of our lives.
(Gabe got poison oak on our honeymoon and I got sick on the side of this boat moments after this photo. Real life doesn’t disappoint.)
(I apologize for the PDA, but I felt like this should be appropriately dropped here since it only took 3 posts to finally get to this point.)
(It was less than a year later he was holding our first born son.)
We honeymooned in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and despite poison oak, sea sickness, and sunburn I’d say we were still just really to start our lives together. Engraved inside Gabe’s ring is “Till Kingdom Come” which he has lived out in those small little ways every day in our 9 years of marriage. We aren’t perfect by any means, and go through our hardships just like any couple, but I am so grateful for the steady friend he has been through it all. As I look back at how fun those first days of dating were, I wouldn’t trade them for the today. Every year feels like discovering a chapter in a familiar novel you know you were supposed to write together.
If you made it through all three parts, thank you for putting up with my run on sentences. Thank you for reading!
*Our wedding photos were by our friend TimWill photography.
