Not my typical Friday post, but this is what needed to be written this morning. I usually write about motherhood in sporadic moments. When the thoughts come I have to write them down or they are gone as soon as the next distraction comes along. We have just a month left until we meet our newest baby. It is something I am anticipating with great hope and happiness, but to be honest I am a little terrified! Whenever I face a new shift in our lives it is easy for me to get overwhelmed with fear of the unknown. How will I manage two babies 14 months apart in addition to a 3, 5, and 7 year old?! I think as human beings, we easily project our human limitations onto what we think we are capable of, and it is easy to allow those perceptions to run our lives and make our decisions. Thankfully, life events happen that we didn’t necessarily choose (this baby was a bit of a surprise), because usually they end up being something we all are better for in the end. However, it doesn’t mean all of those emotions and feelings that come with the reality aren’t there.
I am so relieved to have TWO sisters walking through this same milestone providentially at the same time. We all are having/had our 5th babies this year. Something we never planned, but are grateful to experience alongside each other. I have come to learn that my very limited human perception of what might be best for our family is often thrown for a 360 degree spin, and when the dizziness stops, I open my eyes to see what a beautiful reality God chose to give me instead.
I feel like I JUST adjusted to life with four, and we are about to shake things up again! People often ask me how in the world I do it with four children, when one or two is a challenge for them. Well that is because one and two are hard too! I remember how difficult the adjustment to two was, and yet somehow we all grew together in really good ways. Three children almost broke me, until I finally surrendered my desire to try and maintain a perfectly controlled life. I think that freedom of letting go of expectations of what I thought my day should look like, and allowing myself the grace to just be was a huge turning point for me in motherhood. It doesn’t mean the messy floors or sink full of constant dishes doesn’t still make me lose my peace for the day, but I am able to remove myself from the list of things that could or should be done, and just address each day with a flexible perspective.
There are days with order and structure and peace and calm. There are also days of chaos, messes, unexpected bad moods or sickness, or days when the energy just doesn’t show up for me. However, while the new mother version of myself would have panicked on those days, the present day version of me now knows that these days are just opportunities. I know God allows me the chance to step outside myself, and love my family even when we are at our messiest. To draw closer to him and maybe even allow God to carry us through that day. It’s a lesson I so stubbornly had to learn since I am so good at trying to do everything on my own.
{All my little ducks. Striped shirts from emoi emoi}
That being said, despite the feelings of doubt and fear trying to creep their way in before this new shift in life direction, I know deep within me there is already an abundance of grace awaiting me, fueling the sails that will guide us through the peace and the chaos. If you are adding a new one to your family, be assured all of those feelings of overwhelm are just our wonderful human nature that gives us an honest reality that we need more than just ourselves. That even to receive a gift as great as a child requires an open heart and mind and bite size steps of accepting change. Thankful to each of you who stop by here and take part in this adventure with us, and for all of your encouragement along the way!
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend with your friends and families. x
