I definitely leaned towards the side of being a helicopter parent when Gabriel was little. It was mainly out of fear. Fear of messes, fear of catastrophe, fear of any harm coming his way. Since my hands are no longer as free as when I had one, I have slowly learned how to accept these little independent initiatives as opportunities for them to come into their own. It’s also been a good exercise for me to understand I am not in control of every situation. I have noticed that when given the chance to try something new, they start to make choices on their own and become more confident about trying new things.
When they grow up, and are on their own I hope they are confident in who they are and the decisions they make as well as being able to bravely determine right over wrong. Since I now have children in all different stages, and 4 out of 5 are experimenting with new ways to be independent, this topic is on my mind quite often. I thought I would share some ways I am encouraging independence in our home, but I would love to hear your ideas as well! Let me know your favorite books, blogs, or resources on this topic!
Example: My 8 yr old son Gabriel started asking if he could make his and Veronica’s lunch every day to be a help to us in the morning. As much as I knew this meant messy peanut butter all over the kitchen counter and a chance he’d pack two carbs and no fruit, we said yes and he has proudly owned this role ever since. We affirm him for it regularly too knowing it makes him feel like he is taking care of his sister and helping his parents.
Activities: giving him a backyard mission to explore and report back on, challenging him to set up an obstacle course, getting his baby brother up from nap time, chores like unloading the dishwasher and keeping his room tidy. (Side note: Last year Gabriel asked to learn to skateboard on his own and I just kept envisioning a trip to the ER, but with Gabe’s encouragement we let him go for it. This gave him an incredible amount of confidence that wasn’t there before!)
Example: My 6 yr old daughter Veronica loves to help in the kitchen. This requires more time and patience on my part than I want to give sometimes, but if I get her involved she always beams with pride. She loves the one on one time with me and follows up with lots of bubbly words of love.
Activities: Supervise her changing her baby sister’s diaper, letting her help me pick out produce at the store, setting the table for dinner, letting her mix and match and get creative when getting herself dressed (even if the socks are mismatched;)).
Example: My wild 3 year old Max loves to fix things, but often its the wrong place and time so we give him “fix it” jobs around the house to make him feel like he can use his toolbox and help make something better. Sometimes its busy boards Gabe makes him from spare wood planks, or letting him take out and put back batteries into toys. He struts around with extra pep in his step afterwards.
Activities: Watering the flowers, “painting the deck” with water and a paintbrush, magna-tile building, letting him help make his own lunch, practicing getting himself dressed, etc.
Example: My one year old Rocco refuses to let me spoon feed him anymore, and as much as I cringe looking at all the spilled yogurt on his face and hands, I let him go at it. Having said no to many other things he could not do on his own that day, making a contained mess always makes him smile from ear to ear. know it will lead to independence in other areas of learning as well.
Activities for one-two year olds: Letting them brush their teeth, practice putting on bigger shoes or velcro their own shoes, letting them feed themselves out of a bowl, squashing play-do and cutting shapes, watering the garden, feeding a pet, feeding a new baby a bottle, etc.
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Resources: My sister Tricia (who has 4 boys!) got me onto montessori learning activities and I have a cabinet dedicated to art supplies and kids activities that encourage exploratory and sensory learning. Wish I would have done this sooner! It keeps them entertained for a long time in a positive way. I started a pinterest board where I pinned several of my favorite learning tools or things I want to try. There are also great websites with resources such as this one or this one.
I love having control over things in my life and having things clean around me. So this type of parenting does not come natural to me whatsoever, but as my children continue to teach me, my expectations of perfection are not what they in fact need. Order and organization have its place and purpose and they keep our household going! I just don’t want my desire for constant order to overtake their ability to grow into their strengths and overcome fears. I don’t think there is one way to do things as a mother. Every woman is as different as the next, just as every child. I am thankful to learn from mothers before me, and I continue to learn from my peers as well. So please let me know if you have other ideas of fun activities to encourage independence over the summer with them!
P.S. Many of you pointed me to this article which is a fascinating read that relates to this topic!
