There is something a little tough about your first born son turning another year older.
Each birthday also brings an anniversary; a day seared into your memory forever.
Tiny flailing limbs were placed on your body as you tried to grasp how you took part in creating their life.
Love pours forth from your heart and soul as you were put face to face with the little babe who, with his first heartbeat, gave you the name mother.
From that day forward you never fall asleep again without wondering if you did everything okay that day.
You will never wake again without someone else’s life being more important than your own.
You watch as with each inch they grow, a little more independence is sprouted. You hold your breath, hoping this won’t be the last day you can pick him up in your arms.
And when that day comes and goes, you hold your breath, hoping this won’t be the last day he asks for his goodnight hug and kiss.
You understand God gave them to you to watch and protect, and that he is not yours to keep forever, but you sure wish the keeping part would take a pause now and then.
You wish with each birthday you could have squeezed in a little more time before the clock steals away another year.
With your first born, each birthday brings a year of new firsts and a close to a year of new experiences.
You look at them with tear filled eyes, and wish under your breath you could just hold them once more as a newborn babe looking at his mother for the first time.
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We love you Gabriel Joseph, and are so proud of the big heart your are growing inside your little 6 year old body.
Mama (I hope you call me that just a little longer too.)
