Real Chat: Change and Peace

June 13, 2013

Veronica and Mama

I used to be able to watch just about any movie and not shed a tear. I wasn’t the emotional type. I kind of took pride in this because I hated vulnerability.

Well a few things changed that in the past few years….experiencing love, marriage, and having children. You know, those major life events that seem to break down all the wall barriers you have around your heart. I can’t seem to watch a movie without finding some element to get weepy about. Simple moments in my day turn into emotional ones. Sometimes I wish I could turn off the vulnerability I feel….that so much of my heart is held by my husband and children. That my happiness rests in theirs.

We are about to have another season change…a new life will enter our little world, and everyone’s place will shift and maybe even tilt for a while. Its leaving me feeling pretty vulnerable and emotional. As the mother, you feel everyone’s pains and joys in the most real way. So I am feeling what each person will go through when this little love arrives…

Gabe and I will seek to find a new daily rhythm, Gabriel will feel have to adjust and understand our attention diversion, and Veronica will no longer have her place as the baby. My heart aches a little when things change. Its letting go of something familiar that you love and are comfortable with and accepting and making room for something different. However, by experience, God has always proved to us that when you hand over and trust him with a big part of your lives, it always ends up being even better than your before.

I have shed a few tears letting go of the fact that my Veronica Rose is no longer a baby. That suddenly she is a spunky independent little miss ready to explore life. I can’t help but give into her pleas for more time for me to hold her or stay with her at night. I don’t want those minutes to slip away. Her little world may be confused for a time, but we know that a brother or sister will soon be much more fun than mama and daddy’s attention anyways. I already can’t wait for her and Gabriel to see that they get to keep this baby forever. (They are both crazy about new babies!)

I look at these last few weeks before due date as a chance to accept the change and vulnerability of these roller coaster emotions and make room for peace. That blissful peace that comes in waves after you give birth to a new life….if you let it in. I think we can prevent so many grand experiences when we hold onto fear and worry. There are too many what if’s and how will we’s to count…so I let them go. I choose peace. Its really the only way to receive. There is much to receive ahead and we anxiously await:)


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  • This is so sweet. πŸ™‚ I haven’t become a mother yet but I have noticed that over the years I have become more and more weepy, vulnerable, emotional – whatever you may call it.

    I was wondering – I may have missed it on a previous post of yours – but have you waited to find out the sex with each of your babies? It’s so rare for people to wait these days and I’ve thought about how maybe, if my husband and I have a baby, we would wait. Just wondering what your experience/thoughts are with it. πŸ™‚

    • Hi Chalayn! We didn’t find out with Gabriel and we did with Veronica. Both were really cool experiences but we decided with this one to wait! Something thrilling about having the experience all at one time in the hospital. Love having my husband reveal the gender as the baby is born! I guess it is a rare thing these days! πŸ™‚

  • I love this. I’m at a very different (and rather less monumental) stage in life, but I swear the adjustment is so similar. My boyfriend and I have moved in together and it’s been a big shift letting him in to so much more of my life and really allowing part of my happiness to rest with him. We’ve had a bumpy month of it.

    Just last week I let go of the stress and nervousness and let myself focus on being at peace with change and enjoy it. Oh my goodness, what a world of difference a change of mindset can make.

    So excited for your next big life moment. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Vulnerability is ALWAYS a scary and crazy thing. I can imagine that would be a big change!
      The good thing is that peace of heart is always a good director for us:) Best wishes to you and your relationship!

  • My last daughter starts elementary school in August, and all three of my daughters will be in school. I will be home all alone, trying to figure out what to do with this next stage in my life. The erractic emotions do not get any better as you age. Take it from someone who is ten years older than you. I was just listening to the Pitch Perfect soundtrack in my car, and started to tear up for no good reason. They I busted out laughing.

  • I am not a mother but Anna you almost made me cry with this one. I’m so excited for you and your family and can’t wait to see and hear about this new bundle of personality that you’ll be adding so soon.

  • Anna, I completely understand your emotions. Every change like this in our family is always very emotional for me. I am about to enter the phase where I have a child starting Kindergarten. And although I knew it would make me sad, I just didn’t realize how painful it would be. When I talked to another mother about it, she said it comes and goes in phases. Every one readjusts and you feel a new normal. You are going to be a wonderful mommy of 3. It’s hard, but you will be great. Veronica will not even remember this crazy season. I brought home twins when my oldest was only 2 years old. I thought for sure the insanity of that first year had damaged her. She is now 5 and they are 2…she remembers nothing of that year. She is wonderful sister to her siblings. Veronica will be too! I promise! Just get in survival mode for awhile and before you know it, you will be thriving! Love you girl! (And I think we live pretty close, so let me know if you need ANYTHING! Mommies have to stick together!)

    • You are such a dear! Thank you Sarah!
      I think you are right – phases comes and go and I know Veronica won’t even remember the good or the trying days for her. I do know she will have a brother or sister to love for the rest of her life though and that is what I am most excited to see unfold. Your family is just beautiful by the way!

  • wahoomama87

    Discovered your blog via Hallie! Don’t know if you remember, but my husband and I used to play flag football with you years ago. Good to “see” you again and meet your beautiful family!

    • Of course I remember you Kris! Miss our flag football days! I hope I get the chance to see you all again soon!

      • Kris Chatfield

        That would be lovely! Maybe we can get Hunter and Viv to arrange a football reunion of sorts….! Just saw a mention about you on Grace’s blog – she’s become an online friend this year – so funny that you used to be roommates. Our little Catholic small world.

        • Oh that would be so much fun:) And yes, isn’t that crazy?! Just love her blog. Its cool to have that way to keep up with old friends:)

  • Um, ok, I’m crying!! I too have lost that emotional wall around my heart since becoming a mom. I cry over everything now! Just the thought of another baby makes me all melty and emotional. Sending lots of love to you and your family, it’s going to be crazy ride but a good one for sure!

  • Mary Boctor

    Oh, Anna, I can totally relate! Nothing prepared me for the way it rocked my world emotionally to go from one child to two. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t be as much for the first as I had always been (she was only 19 months when her brother came along). But like you say, things may be painful, but if you are open to receive the new good is even greater than the old, as difficult as that is to imagine in the moment : ) God bless you and your family!

    • Its hard not to feel guilty! We want to give our whole heart to each one! I guess its learning that giving our whole heart doesn’t have to mean our undivided attention 24/7, but also giving them a family! πŸ™‚

  • sandyalamode

    i just teared up from this, happy and bittersweet tears!!! life was a huge change when we had austin and it’s crazy how he isn’t a baby anymore either~!!

  • Marriage and motherhood is something I look forward to God willing this post just softened my heart and that has been rare in this last 2 years , honey God always has something amazing instore and from what I’v seen little girls cling onto their moms for quite sometime hehe .

    Meghan Silva’s Blog

  • It all happens so fast. Really -you blink and they are graduating from high school.

  • Just minutes ago, I came upon this, so when I read your entry, thought I’d share. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” ― Brené Brown

    A friend of mine passed Brene Brown (author, researcher, storyteller) on to me. This is a link to a TED talk she gave back in 2010 about ‘the power vulnerability’. My prayers will be with you as you welcome your new little baby!

  • Stacy of KSW

    Oh I know just what you mean dear friend, glad you are choosing peace and sharing it with us here … I needed it tonight

  • Beautiful post. I’m not a mother yet, but I understand that feeling of happiness resting in another because I already feel that way about my husband and I know that’s *nothing* compared to the feeling of being a mom. When I try to imagine us having a baby it’s a little overwhelming to think about all of the worries/possibilities/what ifs – I’m already a huge worrier! I will have to learn to choose peace – thanks for the inspiration! <3

    • I think marriage can be such a good first step in experiencing giving your heart to someone and being completely vulnerable. It can be a life changing thing. I am with you – I am a natural worrier so it takes lots of control to be able to let it go. I am getting there! πŸ™‚

  • What a sweet post. I know just what you mean – I sometimes rock my older daughter at night and remember the evenings before my second daughter was born when I felt so worried about adding a new baby. And now I wouldn’t change it for anything (not that you don’t know all this, having already had multiple children).

  • Anna, you definitely handle all of this with grace! Something that can only come from putting your trust in God, whose plans are greater than any of ours!

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